Welcome To Our Wedding

At least it will be over soon. But until spotlight-stealing pair Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag get legally wed Saturday, we’ll be treated to all the breathless tidbits we can expect from this event. E! revealed several details on the PR-ready extravaganza, so I’ve included a translation of what they really mean.

The Jewels: Heidi will be wearing jewels on loan from Neil Lane. We’re told they’ll worth close to $1 million total! She will get fitted for the jewels Friday before their wedding rehearsal dinner at Cut.

This means they’re borrowed and will go back to the jeweler as soon as the ceremony’s over. Lane will have a guard on duty to snatch them back before Heidi can conveniently “forget” she borrowed them.

The Dress: Heidi’s custom-made dress from Monique Lhuillier costs $19,000.

Paid for by MTV, unless that’s borrowed, too. If Heidi actually paid for it herself, it will be on eBay by the end of the year.

Guests: Just over 200 people are on guest list. Among the confirmed notables are singer Michael Bublé, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, Khloe Kardashian, Perez Hilton, music producers David Foster and Cathy Dennis (Heidi’s producer, who also did Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl”). Heidi’s entire family, including her mother, Darlene Egelhoff, who had previously shared her disapproval of the union, will be in attendance.

Everyone on this list either has had a reality show or wants one.

The Party: The wedding party is staying at the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills, the site of Friday’s wedding rehearsal dinner and the wedding reception. The reception will be “intimate.” “Spencer and Heidi were going to have a reception on a rooftop location, but now they are asking guests to meet them at the sidebar at Cut after wedding ceremony,” an insider tells E! News. “They are not having a formal reception. Spencer just decided…He wanted it to be more intimate. He didn’t want a superhuge reception.”

He couldn’t find a venue that would do it free.

Honeymoon: The newlyweds won’t be leaving immediately, and there are “still a few destinations up in the air,” says a wedding insider. “At first, they thought Four Seasons in Maui. But now they are looking at Tahiti, Fiji, possibly Europe.”

The Four Seasons won’t do it for a mention on MTV so they’re still looking for a resort desperate for publicity.

The wedding can be viewed on the season finale of “The Hills.” The inevitable divorce can be viewed on an upcoming episode of “Jerry Springer.”

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