Congratulations to Samantha Ronson on her purchase of a shiny new double-deadbolt lock on the front door of her Beachwood Cyn. crib! These puppies are just the thing to keep crazy exes from kicking down your door when they show up drunk and screaming at 3 am.

If this, the security service and the restraining order don’t work, we suggest she get a pit bull next.

Her family may think she needs to be protected from former GF Lindsay Lohan, but Samantha Ronson won’t be asking for a restraining order—at least, not right now.

Sam’s attorney told People, “Samantha has no plan to request a restraining order. There is no basis for one.” Maybe she thinks those new locks are protection enough.

A source close to the DJ dished, “Sam does not want a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan. Sam had nothing to do with the restraining order against Lindsay that the police are talking about. Sam and Lindsay are broken up, but Sam does not feel she’s in any danger whatsoever. She thinks the whole thing is absurd.”

 It sounds like there’s a difference of opinion within the Ronson clan. The fam obviously wants Sam to stay away from Linds—but they may not get what they’re hoping for.

So much for those trips to rehab. Isn’t Lindsay Lohan still on probation from her DUIs—and supposed to be taking alcohol education classes?

Well, she seemed to be doing her own kind of alcohol education last night at the h.wood bar in Hollywood, where she drowned her sorrow over being dumped by Samantha Ronson. RadarOnline reports the spurned actress was chugging Belvedere vodka straight from the bottle—while Mom Dina sat at the table sipping wine. Too bad you can’t call CPS on bad parents after their kids grow up.

When she wasn’t downing vodka, Linds spent her evening texting, crying, complaining about Sam and smoking funny-smelling cigarettes. Who has the pool on how soon she’ll rack up that next DUI?

Well, at least they lasted longer than Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong, but that’s not saying much. Sources are confirming today that Jennifer Aniston and her singing beau, John Mayer, are no longer together. Yes, boo hoo hoo. The couple started dating in April, with John making a couple of trips to Miami to visit Jen while she filmed Marley & Me. Jen, meanwhile, returned the favor by attending a few of John’s tour dates around the country and abroad. All seemed lovely, but it may have just not worked. According to Britain’s Daily Mail, the two split up earlier this week and things have been rocky for a while. “There’s been a bit of tension for some time,” said a source close to the 30-year-old singer. “They initially opted for a break, hoping a trial split might make them stronger. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to have worked.” Rumors have it that Jen’s already dating someone else, but who knows how true that is. So, I have no idea who had four months in your Jen/John break-up pool at the office, but whoever it is, they just won some cash.

The picture above, of course, is an older one of Alanis from 2006 when she was still a happy little bee with then fiance, Ryan Reynolds. Ryan, as we all know, is now engaged to Scarlett Johansson. Alanis and Ryan dated for over four years and broke up in 2007. Well, the singer is now talking about how she got over that harsh break-up. After her split with Ryan, the Canadian-born singer said she recovered by going on “lots of dates” and having “lots of sex”, but only after being devastated the first couple of months post break-up. Once Alanis was feeling better, she banned herself from getting into another relationship for twelve months. What came, instead, were lots and lots of dates and sex. “No strings relationships have helped cure me of love addiction,” she stated. Hey, you gotta’ try whatever works, right? Alanis has a new boyfriend and she released a new album earlier this year, so I think it’s safe to say she’s doing much better these days.

Yes, that was definitely quick. Kate Hudson and cyclist Lance Armstrong have split up over the weekend, Us Magazine reports, and it ended amicably. “There was no drama or ugliness – they just decided to end things,” a source close to the couple told the magazine. “There is no hatred, just sadness.” Lance and Kate went public with their relationship when they were spotted together in Austin, TX in May. After they were “outed”, the couple became inseparable and were photographed together from New York to Los Angeles. They’ve even introduced the other to their respective families/kids. Lance went on a much-photographed lunch outing with Kate’s mom, Goldie Hawn, just about a month and a half ago in a Santa Monica eatery. And we can’t forget the number of times Lance took his kids and Kate’s son, Ryder, to tennis camp this summer. Everything just seemed so…perfect. I guess ’seemed’ is the right word here because as we know now, the two are no longer. Oh, well. I’m sure they’ll both bounce back from this unscathed. And on to the next one…

Comedian Sarah Silverman and talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel have split up, according to Vanityfair.com. The couple were together for five years. No word if Matt Damon or Ben Affleck had anything to do with the split, but I’m sure they’re both saddened by the news. Both Sarah and Jimmy’s reps confirmed that they are no longer dating and issued a joint statement that “Jimmy and Sarah have and will have no further comment.” These two were great together and were definitely one of the funniest couples in Hollywood. Too bad they didn’t make it!